This year I have been spending a lot of time getting to know the diploma level classes in Pastoral Care for Women.  At one location we have been dealing with the topic “The Cycle of Violence” for over three classes.  This cycle always escalates (as it is repeated) and briefly described is: 

1. Accumulation (of hurts and incidents)   

2.  Explosion (the actual violent episode which can be physical, sexual, psychological or patrimonial (material/financial)
3.  Distancing (pulling back, putting space between)
4.  Reconciliation

The women have begun opening up as they realize where their life experiences fall in this circle.  It was horrifying listening to “Nancy” tell of her violent first marriage with many trips to the hospital, of how her mother told her that this was just the way it was – and how finally she got out of it because she thought he was going to kill her.  Many of the women’s fathers were heavy drinkers which often resulted in a violent home life as well.  For all these women, this class is a safe place to finally talk about the violence and to understand more about it.  

A few women have said nothing.  We have to keep in mind that it could be because they have not experienced this cycle, or they don’t want to share something so personal or because they are still in the cycle but haven’t built up the strength to break out of it YET.   One student said she didn’t understand why women put up with beatings (obviously and blessedly having never experienced it), yet now she recognizes the pain expressed by others.  Everyone is finally realizing that it is not easy to break the cycle because there are emotional traps and other factors involved. 

Sharing this class with the women has also been a learning experience for me as well as a holy one.  Listening is allowing them to break the silence and thus break the cycle.  These are the moments when we connect with them and share God’s hope and healing, since many are still in healing process.  We encourage the church to also be a refuge and a hope-giver for the victims, especially to be “merciful listeners” (literally "ears with hearts").

At the last class, “Nancy” spoke of how she asked her three daughters and oldest grandson to write down how the “Cycle of Violence” had affected them, to help her complete her homework assignment.  When her grandson asked why they had to remember the past, his own mother said, “This is part of the healing process for all of us.”  The homework assignment turned into a blessing for that family! 

Thank you so much for your partnership in this healing ministry of merciful listening and divine hope!  Please remember these women in your prayers.