I have always been fascinated by the book of Job. How could one man go through so much and still praise God. Yet, I am sometimes uncomfortable when I hear saints compare their personal sufferings with Job’s. Do you know anyone that good who has experience that level of loss described in Scripture? Distracted by our flesh, I sometimes forget, we are indeed the “righteousness of God.” And suffering is relative. I had always focused on Job—a Bible story illustrating why bad things happen to good people. In recent months, however, Job—the Lord’s servant, caught my attention.

When I had the opportunity to return to International Ministries, I had already been serving as a missionary to South Africa for 12 years. Like many, I had been through a few trials and tribulations on the field. Yet I was sure the Lord wanted me to remain and serve in Africa for several more years. I anticipated my period at home as a time of reunion, revival and renewal. I was certain I would share my passion for mission as a teacher, pastoral care and discipleship minister with many US congregations, and easily raise the necessary funds to return to the field.

Little did I realize how much things had changed. I returned to my home state where few family members remain. In my home church there were new leaders, new members and new priorities. Plans for housing accommodations fell through when an outbreak of meningitis kept us out of the local missionary quarters. For over a year, we depended on the hospitality of a close friend who shared her home in spite of limited means and space. We caught rides when we could, borrowed vehicles or rented cars, on occasion. Often we used public transportation and even walked during a severe winter. Employment opportunities were limited without a vehicle in our small town. For healthcare, I qualified for Medicaid and my son, Andile, for charity care. We regularly visited the local food bank and the church food coop. We kept afloat as a result of the generosity of family, friends and churches.

During these difficult 17 months, I received a lot of assistance and advice, suggestions as well as criticism. Most agreed being a missionary was an honorable calling—but perhaps it was time to settle down and get a real job and make some real money. After all, you are a mother now. Many did give and others were unable to give, or simply did not support the fundraising strategies and felt our goals were unrealistic. One friend gave me suggestions for a social network profile, while another totally opposed what I wrote. Others simply passed on information about alternate career possibilities. Are you really in God’s will, they kept asking me.

After a year, it seemed as though things were about to change. Andile and I went on a much needed, all-expense paid vacation to the Bahamas. However, when we were interrogated at the border and my son was detained for four nights (See Disney Dream/Border Nightmare), things came to a head. Our finances dried up, my health began to fail and my trust waivered like never before. I could not imagine what I had done to deserve so much struggle. Could I have totally missed God? Whose voice was I hearing?

Upon returning home from Florida, I needed a place of spiritual solitude, peace and quiet. I literally shut myself in and away for over a month. I sought the Lord’s face with the little energy I had left. We are told, the Lord does not put more on us than we can stand—but it sure didn’t feel that way when I was going through. I was ready to do anything to relieve the stress. I was ready to go anywhere else and start over, even making a permanent home in the US for Andile and myself. Lord, what do You require of me, I kept asking. I strained to hear His voice again...

It seems God really does laugh at our plans. My 9-12 months in the US have turned into more like 18-24 months. Yet, my recent difficulties are short-term compared to those of many whom I served in South Africa. I never imagined the toll such ongoing stress could have on you! However, through all of this, I have learned much. Suffering can happen to any of us. Servanthood does not exempt us, but actually qualifies us to suffer. Nevertheless, the Lord is with us through it all.

Today I am on the other side of that mountain—no longer the rough side! In January, I began teaching a class at a local Bible college where one of my pastors chairs a department. In March I received my first paycheck and benefits from International Ministries. Days later I moved into a beautiful missionary apartment in Princeton. Within weeks a member of my Missionary Partnership Team (MPT) handed over a 2002 Volvo wagon she brokered from another friend. Meanwhile, I am in the process of putting together a new MPT. I hope to add key members who are available to really help me contact pastors, churches and individuals. This new team will actually assist in raising funds so we can return to the field as soon as possible. We are a long way from reaching that goal. Won't you consider joining my network of supporters? Ask the Lord what He'd have you give. Thank you!