Two weeks ago, during the middle of a Thursday night, I woke up.I began praying about Pastor Sok and Paul.I started feeling very strongly that the Lord wanted me to speak to Sok very soon.The next night the same thing happened.I woke up Saturday morning believing I should speak with Sok that day or the next.That morning I happened to have a short talk with Sok's wife on an entirely different matter.Sok dropped in for part of our talk. I mentioned to Sok a concern I had with him, a matter having nothing to do with the church situation.He took it well, and then graciously said, "if you have anything to tell me about myself, concerns, mistakes I've made, please feel free to come and talk to me, anytime."
And then his wife told me about a dream she had had the night before.She said I had come to their house and was knocking and knocking on their front door, but everyone was asleep but her.But she did not answer me, and everyone else slept.
Khmers take dreams very seriously.And I took her dream seriously, too.I immediately went home, found Deb, and asked her to pray with me.I believed the time had come that the Lord wanted me to talk to Pastor Sok.After praying with Deb, I went back and arranged a meeting with Sok that afternoon.Later, when I went over to Sok's house, Deb stayed home, praying, and watching the kids.
Sok and I talked for three hours.I was straightforward with Sok.I started off by telling him that I really did not want to talk to him about what I was going to talk about, but believed the Lord wanted me to, and that I believed the Lord wanted me to speak to him that very day.I then said I did not want to suggest in any way that I was better than him.I told him I had at least as much sin as he had, and that I believed him to have the stronger faith.I told him why I had come; that I believed God wanted me to talk to him about Paul and the others that had stopped coming to church.He was immediately angry and defensive.I then told him that I felt he himself had changed, that I no longer saw the same joy and happiness in him, like I used to during the first years of his new life with Christ.I noted that he often seemed angry, that his sermons were nearly all angry and hard.He replied immediately he "was still joyful", yet he was angry even as he said it.
We talked on and on.I read Galatians 6:19-26 to him (in my broken 3rd grade Khmer reading ability), a passage which speaks of the fruit of the Spirit.I also read John 21:15-17 to him, ending by telling him I believed God's purpose for him in the church is to care for Jesus' sheep, and to feed them, but not to command and force them to follow his own directives.
We went back and forth.He became angry many times, but all through the conversation I sat close to him, and looked at him directly.This was not how I always talked with him in the past.Often, like others in the church, I find him intimidating.I feel my faith is small compared to his, and his judgments are very direct, which he does not withhold from me.I have always respected him, but also have feared him to some extent.This time I felt God had prepared me, and what fear I felt was easily overcome.
A strange thing started happening soon after we began talking.I felt very light-headed and found I could not sit up without falling over unless I held on to a window frame with one hand (we were sitting cross-legged on the floor in his house, Khmer fashion).I might have thought God was telling me that I shouldn't be speaking to Sok, except that I was very convinced that I was to speak with him.I wondered if Satan was attacking me, something I had never experienced before.I started praying that God would hold me up and protect me.I knew exactly what Sok would think if I fell over in front of him - God's clear judgment on me and that Sok's position was justified by God.In fact, later in the conversation, he became quite angry with our other former missionary, and stated that he knew precisely the reason he had to leave Cambodia prematurely - and that was because God had removed him because of the wrong things he was doing to the church.Sok feels the missionary was undermining his authority, and the church.
Sok's anger flared many times, but most times it fizzled out quickly.This seemed unlike Sok.He even became sad and melancholy and said all the churches in Cambodia were having this kind of conflict, and now his was too, but there was nothing he could do about it.I talked to him about the apostle Paul's counsel on settling conflict and told him I felt that he, as pastor, had a high responsibility to try to resolve the conflict, and make peace with Paul (the name of the leader of the break-off group.) I told him that I did not think Paul had acted rightly either, but felt that Sok, as Christian and pastor, was obligated to try to sort the conflict out.He absolutely refused to consider going to Paul.He said Paul could come to him first, but he would not go to Paul.He said Paul was the one in error and he had tried already to correct him.I asked the pastor if he felt he had acted wrongly in any way in the conflict.He hesitantly admitted he had, but his admission was to a minor error.He repeated that he had already tried to resolve the conflict.I replied that going to Paul in the dark of the night, which was the start of the sharp conflict, was hardly an attempt to reconcile.He said it would be a "loss of face" for him to go to Paul first.I talked about Jesus the God, and asked Sok if Christ had died for Sok and me before or after we had believed.I asked, "Was Jesus too proud or ashamed to die for us?"He knew the answers but said he still could not go to Paul.
Toward the end of our conversation, Sok repeatedly said I was doing the right thing to talk to him and what I had to say was right, but that he could not do it.I asked him again and again, "Why not?"He just said he could not.He said he had already given his directives to Paul and Paul had refused to obey him, what more could he do.I replied that he was the shepherd, and it was his responsibility to feed the sheep, and that might involve admitting his own errors and humbling himself.I talked again how Jesus the God had lowered himself to become a human being, and then again to die for us when we didn't know Him, love Him, or deserve Him.Sok softened, but still insisted he could not go to Paul.I took Sok's wrist in my hand and scooted up close to him, and pleaded with him again and again to take the first step.He still refused.
Finally, I read Proverbs 19:21 to him, and told him I believed God was showing me that God's purpose in Mesang would be established.I told Sok, "You have been my friend for a long time, and you have been a good pastor, and have served God so faithfully.But if you do not humble yourself, I fear God will deal with you, and He Himself may even remove you from leadership.And I fear I might lose a good friend."
Sok did not become angry over this.He said, "Whatever God does with me, I will not blame Him or regret.But I cannot go to Paul.You have done what is right to come to me, and what you say is right, but I cannot do what you ask."
We embraced and I left.He seems an unhappy man.I was relieved in that I felt I had done what God had wanted me to do, and felt encouraged that my relationship with Sok was stronger and more honest than before, but at the same time was very saddened at his pride and refusal.He has put himself in his own small prison.Please pray for Sok.And for Paul.And for me, too.
I'm not sure where things will go from here.
By His Grace,
John Coats