A few days ago I found myself filling up three TSA approved plastic bottles for my carry on. 

Except I wasn’t filling them up with shampoo or body wash.

Nope.  I was filling them up with tahini. 

Tahini is a sesame seed paste popular in Middle Eastern cuisine in dishes like hummus.  It has the texture of smooth peanut butter.

I have carried a couple odd items with my on the plane from my travels abroad.  Once I carried a birdcage home from China.  The first time I traveled to the Middle East, I carried a lute (think small pregnant guitar) with me.

But I have never tried to make bottles of tahini fit in my clear quart sized ziplock baggie before.

During my last deputation trip, I offered to make my hosts and their friends dinner during my stay.  I knew that I probably would be able to find tahini somewhere in the state of Utah, but I didn’t want to bother with the effort it might take to find it in the bedroom community outside of Salt Lake City I was staying at that weekend.

Because you can’t make hummus and baba ghanoush (roasted eggplant dip) without tahini and I wanted to share the best “taste of the Middle East” I can make, I brought tahini on the plane in the best way I could -without checking in my luggage.

As I was pouring the smooth oily liquid into the small plastic bottles, Paul’s words from his letter to the Philippians came to mind:

“But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God  just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy.”(Phil. 2:17-18 NLT)

A life poured out…

Time and time again, I wrestle with God about following Him into the Middle East.  Is this worth it?  Is joining His Kingdom work in the Middle East worth giving up being here close to family and friends?  Is it worth striving to learn a new language and navigating life in a different culture?  And ultimately, I have to ask God- Is it worth losing my physical life?

As much as I love singing praise songs in worship about “surrendering my all” to God, in all honestly, sometimes it’s really, REALLY hard to relinquish control, the unknown, my hopes, dreams, and comforts to God.  Sometimes I can see surrender as a glorious, lovely thing.  Other times, it’s a long, hard struggle between my understanding, my stubbornness, my will and His understanding, His grace and mercy, and His will. 

When I look at Scripture and read stories of Christian global servants throughout history, I am reminded that God is well acquainted with this wrestling.   He always has a way of showing His children our need to depend on Him.  Through tough situations and tough questions, He holds us, molds us, loves us, comforts us, and fills us with the strength to keep trusting in Him. 

Just as tahini is a key ingredient in hummus and other Middle Eastern recipes, maybe wrestling is a key ingredient to surrender and a life poured out for Him. 

I may wrestle with the same questions now and I will probably have moments of asking the same questions when things get tough on the field.  Leaning into His Spirit, I will continue to be challenged to set aside my understanding, stubbornness, and will.  

Whether I am able to see the answer to “Is it worth it?” this side of heaven or not, I know that I could never go wrong with following Him where His Spirit leads. 

Have you ever wrestled through surrender?  Let’s talk about it over hummus!  Invite me to your small group or Bible study today and I’ll bring some tahini with me!

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